I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I understand Curling. That high.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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