happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
