you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
