from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
