Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
