Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize