When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
