I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you traded sex for a burrito?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
