I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
