they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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