he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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