do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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