We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love you.
Bad choice
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
