Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
