Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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