you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
