I am puke
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
