Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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