accomplished twins. life is a go
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
