which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
