Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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