i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize