sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
