I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just had sex on a roof
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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