I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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