the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
