I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
