Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
