just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
