I'm gonna have a badass scar
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize