If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
