I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
