I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
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