and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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