your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
