How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
