if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
