I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
