i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
