I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
