woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
