He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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