first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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