porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
