Me. At least after what I've been through.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
