worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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