her vagine was all disorganized.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
