I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
