if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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