even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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