Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
