I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
