tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
