Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
