Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
