i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
