Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
