Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
