Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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