wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
