Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My pussy is not your playground.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
