i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
