Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
