dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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