AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
