my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
