I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
