I'm really into asian looking animals
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
