I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In other news, I just burned my penis
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
