I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
