you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
