Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
