also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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