im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
