I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
even my farts smell like vagina
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
